How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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