I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
