i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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