someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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