I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
