I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
