I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
