I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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