all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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