Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
