Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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