Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you traded sex for a burrito?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
