I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
