is your mom at the bar?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
