that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
