One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
