nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Damn victory sex feels great
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