Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
