why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
