my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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