I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
ttyl tear gas
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
