I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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