He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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