nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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