the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Someone stole a lamp last night.
we're so committed to being not committed
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
