Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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