he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
