I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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