Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
