And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
