new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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