I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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