it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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