my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
if i died would you start the facebook group?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
