Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
