ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
