so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Are we still banned from the library?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
