As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
