Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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