i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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