im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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