shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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