do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
