I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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