After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
