He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
