Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
