She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
