Who wears a wallet chain?!
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
