how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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