I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
