They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
