You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
please come you make the beer taste better
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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