I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
This is my gift to your gina
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
