YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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